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Making sure everything works like it should

Hope to begin writing again soon. Im getting ready to begin a new School Year teaching HHED. Continue my Education and pick up writing again.  

I am trying to decide what I will be writing about. I know some changes are coming. Many prayers, more time listening for answers & guidance have pointed me in a few directions, some new some not. 

LadyJae

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Thinking about spectrum disorders, processing disorders and Temperaments

I was doing some reading earlier today about Natural Approaches to Processing Disorders, Autism, Aspergers, and other spectrum and non spectrum issues we face today.  I do not know how many are familiar with Temperaments or know their own Temperament, or the Temperaments of family members.  Often finding out the Temperament of someone diagnosed with the above issues will explain the behavior, moods, sleep, eating, learning styles and more. I know Spectrum disorders exist, I also know at times people are diagnosed when it can be explained by finding out the Temperament, learning about it, discovering if they are balanced or not. Learning the Temperaments of family members can change the way you look at them, treat them, react to them and that can change the way they treat you and react to you. If a person is not balanced it can be simple to fix.  By planning meals, exercise, meditation, sleep,,activities, outings, home time, sleep while keeping the needs   Often children, teens and adults will behave in ways that are not acceptable by societies standards and it leads to diagnosing with 1 or more of many disorders. It may be as simple as their personality and meeting their needs, making sure they have what they need in right amounts on a daily basis.  This is not always the case. Many truly are somewhere in the spectrum or other disorders/syndroms. Finding out the Temperament then can also be helpful for everyone involved. There are many quizzes, tests, and websites, facebook pages about Temperaments. Some have good accurate info, many have bad inaccurate info, especially if looking for it in regards to someone in the spectrum. So be very careful where your info comes from. If you have any questions Im happy to answer. I also do Temperament Consultations if you have questions or would like one.
I have more than 1 child diagnosed with Aspergers,  anxiety and more.  All benefit knowing their Temperament. It has helped me so much in knowing their needs. Knowing my own Temperament has also helped me understand my reactions to things so I can be aware and help them better.  Im not saying I have an instant cure. What I do have is possible help, understanding, information, new methods to deal and cope and above all HOPE that it can get better.  I hope to write a series of blogs dedicated to Temperaments and Spectrum disorders such as autism, Aspergers, ADHD and more. I would love to have questions from readers and clients that I can hopefully answer and make sure Iam addressing the needs of readers.  If you have questions but prefer to stay private feel free to PM me or email me. If you have questions and I answer them as part of the series I will not use names or personal information. I hope to hear from some of my readers. I have posted this to my facebook page for this blog as wel as here in hopes of more people asking questions. I truly want to answer your questions not just write things everyone already knows about.
LadyJaenh

Guest writer!

Hi there. My name is Kathleen, and I'm Autistic. I'll be thirty five this year. I'm married to the love of my life, and we have a fourteen year old son and twelve year old daughter. My son is diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. My daughter and I are both diagnosed with High Functioning Autism. I haven't lived with my parents since I was 15. The government has never given me any kind of special services or income assistance because of my ASD. Until very recently, I even earned more than my husband. None of these things are either good or bad, to be sought or avoided. They just describe how my life has happened to flow. Jae has invited me to contribute a monthly guest post from the view of an autistic adult, living independently. If there are particular questions you have, or ideas you'd like me to discuss, please comment or email Jae, or contact me over at my blog http://perplexingparent.blogspot.com/ Communication issues have been on my mind lately, so today I thought I'd share a little about them.

I wasn't diagnosed until I was in my mid twenties. I spent my life until then being “odd” or “stubborn” or just avoided. My mother loves to tell funny stories about me as a child. Being so different, there are plenty to chose from. She tells how I didn't talk until I was three, and then I never stopped. The doctor had said I was just being stubborn. A modern doctor might recognize that as being non-verbal. When I did finally talk, I often annoyed people with temporary changes to my patterns. Stutters, slurs, odd tones or accents. What they didn't realize was that I was struggling to process language. These were my tools for pushing past a mental wall. Without them, speech was just too complicated a task to perform at the moment. The rest of the time, I simply translated every thought into verbal form. Once I figured out how to start that process, it took me years to figure out how to control it. Honestly, I still struggle with knowing which thoughts I'm expected to share and which I'm expected to withhold.

As an adult, I've found more socially acceptable tools. The most important is simply preparation. Before engaging in an activity, I run through detailed mental simulations. I try to imagine every possible variable, and every possible interaction. I prepare at least a rough response and behavioral guidelines for each. That may sound exhausting. Sometimes it can be. I try to avoid going out, if that's the case. Either way, it's far better than having to do all that mental work on the spot for each and every interaction or choice that presents itself! When I first started using this technique, the result was that I had a few canned responses that I repeated over and over. It was obvious and not always appreciated. With more practice, my repartee has grown. I have a wide range of standardized behavioral rules to follow. I don't have to design new ones often. I have more canned responses, but I also have a variety of common variables to apply to those response. So, while I may be saying essentially the same thing to everyone....they can feel like they are also each receiving a unique and personalized response!

An easier, though not always appropriate, trick is a reliance on the digital age. When I'm having trouble with verbal communication, my husband and I will sometimes sit in the same room and instant message our conversation. The kids and I do this sometimes or write each other notes about things that might be faster to speak. Easier and faster aren't always the same thing. If a friend is comfortable enough with technology, I can even get away with texting her when we're in the same building or even room. It's often taken as being silly, as a kind of harmless secret that is found complimenting, even. I see the kids use this technique with their friends often. The younger the recipient, the more receptive they generally are to this. At the least, most of my socializing is done with friends locally or across the country via instant message or text. I can spend an entire afternoon with a friend one thousand miles away. We run errands and discuss everything we're doing and chat about our lives, all via text. To someone who isn't on the spectrum it may seem like we're missing out on the bonding and important bits. For me, and many of my friends, it's like I'm cutting out the part that interferes with the bonding and important bits. I do like to see my friends. I just don't like to see them nearly as often as I'd like to interact with them. In the past I've had to choose, but modern technology allows me to integrate much more comfortably into society.

From Grandmas point of view

I thought it would be nice to get another point of view. Not just mine, not just from a parents view but from a grandmas point of view. So the following is written by the grandmother of my children. She lives with us and has spent a lot of time with them.

      Being the grandmother of a child with Aspergers is a different kind of life, especially when you live with aspergers children. You never know what to expect. They can be sweet and loving very affectionate or very stand offish. They may or may not say "I love you" But make no mistake you know they do. 
They take everything to heart and very personal. 
Most Aspergers children are shy and don't make friends easily. They are extremely bright. They learn really fast and don't seem to forget. 
You need to be on your toes all of the time, if they catch you off guard you will probably have a good laugh. 
I love my Aspergers grandchildren, They have given me a lot of joy and some tears.

The Small Things

Sometimes we have a day going along with out any issues and then "BAM" out of the blue someone is a raging machine! Leaving you wondering what happened. You think, look around, and wonder what happened. You have kept the normal routine for the day, nothing varied through the day that you are aware of, so what happened. You talk to your child and he/she has no clue what triggered the rage. so now what do you do? 1st sit back, regroup wit a cup of tea or whatever relaxes you. Look around, think about the day, looking for anything out of the ordinary. 
We always think of the big things, the obvious things that trigger, and often we miss the smaller, and frequent triggers. We over look something as simple as moving a picture that hangs on the wall to a new location. To us it may be  nothing, not a big deal but to someone in the spectrum it is a big deal. It can cause major meltdown. 
Appliances or dishes in new places, new furniture, curtains can trigger your aspie or SN child. Did you move or add or remove something from your child's bedroom? Even cleaning it can be a trigger. 
Did your schedule vary even in the slightest way? All these things can trigger a rage. 
One way I have found to help cut down on rages is to teach my children that sometimes things change from the normal. As I teach them a new schedule, routine or just go over our normal daily routine I make sure to add "things can change and we may do things different than expected" After a while of this they got better at learning to accept change, sometimes. They are not perfect about it but it helps some, I see improvement. 
Always remember acceptance is so important. You must accept you SN child for who he/she is. Love them no matter what they do, unconditional love is so important. Patients, forgiveness, and always remember its not intentional, they do not plan to rage, they do not want to rage but they can not always control it. Sometimes as they get older and learn tools to cope they rage less and do better. 
Any questions? Please email me. If you want to see a specific topic covered here email me and let me know renaissancenh@gmail.com   in the subject line put "Spectrum"
Hope to get some feed back 
Jaelene H
Reflexologist, Typologist, Herbalist and Nutritional Health Consultant